Alone but Not Lonely

I've never been away from home for longer than two weeks. I've never been away from my husband for longer than 48 hours, since we've been married. But here I am, sitting in my room in Michigan, 2300 miles away from home and husband. I've been here for two weeks already. Two more to go. A month long summer program for grad school- 5 classes in 4 weeks. I've been having a great time- I'm learning SO MUCH, laughing until my sides hurt with my friends, and am still fascinated and mesmerized by fireflies every evening.

I'm here with three other people from my program, and we're subletting rooms at an adorable house near the program. Today is day 14, officially the longest I've ever been away from my own bed. The homesickness sort of started hitting me over the past couple days. Maybe 4th of July, because it's one of my favorite holidays and I didn't get to do any of the normal traditions. 

My main thought over the past few days is that I think it's fully possible to feel alone, but still not lonely. I feel very alone here in Michigan- I'm here with a few hundred graduate students in my field of study and I've met some amazing people, had some great discussions and I am so so glad I'm here- but I feel alone at the same time. I haven't met a single Christ follower in all these 500 people. I'm learning what it means to be in but not of the word. I'm learning where I am strong and where I am weak. Jesus is right here beside me and it is so cool to depend on Him instead of my community or my family. I feel like He's giving me a fair taste of what it might be like to be a Christian in academia, which is what I hope to pursue my career in. 

I'm thankful for this month of self discovery. I'm also very thankful for modern technologies such as Facetime and Facebook to keep me connected to the people I love. I'm certainly not lonely, with my three hilarious friends and my classes full of smart people with similar interests as me. But I do feel very alone in my faith- I'm so used to friends encouraging me or praying with me, or my Bible study group, or even just going to church on Sunday mornings. It is neat that without all of that, I still have Jesus, and He is always with me and always faithful. I guess this month is teaching me how to own my faith more, and not depend on other people to meet me spiritual needs when I should just be depending on Jesus. 

So alone I sit in my little room, but I'm not lonely. I have my guitar and endless songs to sing to the God of the universe! How cool is that?

Coffee, Pie and Jesus

My friend, Felicia and I happen to take the same route of public transportation as part of our morning commutes.  Although our destinations are quite different, we have 20 minutes together in the mornings before I get off at my stop and she stays on.  It makes our big, spread out city seem much more intimate and Urban when you can count on seeing a friend in an out-of-the-ordinary context.

We're in the same Tuesday night Bible study so yesterday morning, being a Tuesday, we chatted about that evening's upcoming group.  It was going to be a girls night- the ladies would be meeting at my house and our husbands at a different house.  We had never done this before- usually we all just meet as couples.  Felicia and I were sharing our excitement about our impending girl's night, and how a walk to Starbucks might be in order.  She then casually mentioned that she had really be craving coffee and pie.  Suddenly, there was nothing I wanted more on that rainy day than coffee and pie. I told her I would make it happen.

After school, I bought three pounds (yes, I went a little overboard) of big, juicy blackberries, found my aunt's famous pastry recipe and got busy.  A couple hours later, I had four lovely friends and the smell of coffee and blackberry pie filling my tiny house.  We talked for almost three hours.

There is something so rejuvenating about a girls night with coffee, pie and Jesus.  I feel so renewed today; so thankful for my Jesus and my beautiful smallgroup friends.  Our lives are each so different and we each face our own set of difficulties, but we are there for each other- there to remind one another of our value and the love Jesus has for each of us.  I think we all needed that last night.  The rain, coffee and pie made it that much sweeter.

I Believe

I believe in Jesus Christ.

I believe that He is all good, and all love, and that in His spirit there is freedom.

I believe that there is nothing you can do to make Him love you more, or less.  He loves you fully and completely, just as you are.  We are all imperfect and flawed, and He is still crazy about each one of us.

I believe that His love cleans every wound and is bigger than any sin.

I believe that nothing is too small or seemingly insignificant for Him; that He cares about every detail of your life.

I believe that if you truly experience His power and love, you can never, ever be the same.

I believe that his heart aches for His people, His creation.

I believe that Jesus Christ is the hope of the world.

I believe that He is coming back here, to this messy place, to right every wrong and end every kind of injustice.  That with righteousness and justice as the standard, He will make His creation perfect again.

Isaiah 11:4-9
But with righteousness he will judge the needy,
with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth.
He will strike the earth with the rod of his mouth;
with the breath of his lips he will slay the wicked.
Righteousness will be his belt and faithfulness the sash around his waist.
The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat,
the calf and the lion and the yearling together,
and a little child will lead them.
The cow will feed with the bear, their young will lie down together,
and the lion will eat straw like the ox.
The infant will play near the hole of the cobra,
and the young child put his hand into the viper's nest.
They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain,
for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord
as the waters cover the sea.

I believe that He is the creator of creativity itself.

I believe in all things lovely and beautiful, because they point to Him.

I believe that if you let Him, He will show you a life more beautiful and full than anything you could ask or imagine.

And then you will be found.

Found

“The Kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field.  When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.  Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls.  When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.” Matthew 13:44-46

I had always been taught that this parable is about us finding the kingdom of heaven, but a year or so ago, I began to think about it differently. I was at a conference, and one of the keynote speakers talked about the parables in Matthew chapter 13 leading up to this one: the seed and the soil, the weeds, and the mustard seed.

In each of these parables, the man in the story is God, the field is the world, and the thing in the field is us or our faith.  In that context, Jesus would not have changed the characters or representations in the parable of the treasure in the field.  Do you know what this means?  Let’s look at it again:

“When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.”

We are the treasure.  God sold everything He had- His only son Jesus Christ- to find us.  Me finding the kingdom of heaven would have never worked.  It gives me way too much credit; it makes it seem like I found Jesus by my own strength.  Really though, in His joy HE found ME.

Through this blog, I hope to navigate life keeping the truth of His grace at the forefront of my mind.  I hope that I can encourage you to do the same, and that we can celebrate in the joy of being found, together.

-Alicia